I wanted to write this post because I know that a lot of social media likes to highlight the good things that are happening in our lives. This year, a lot of my friends have been making new goals and achieving those goals. They post about how awesome these changes are in their lives and how their life has improved. I am so excited for them, but I am not to the point yet where I can jump up and down with joy with the changes that I have been trying to make in my own life. Because I still have a long way to go. I want to write about how change can be messy and how it’s not always as easy as we think it will be.
Since my dad left my mom in September, there have been a lot of changes in my life. Our family dynamic is completely different and sometimes there are weeks when I just want to pull all of my hair out.
Throughout this time, I have been so overwhelmed that I wondered if trying to change was even worth it. Maybe the old ways when I was living below my potential and in my comfort zone weren’t so bad after all. Anyways, I started going to therapy because I felt like I was going mental. I did everything the therapist told me to and I was totally rocking it and doing amazing. So, I stopped going to therapy because my therapist told me that I was healthy and that I didn’t need therapy anymore. That was such a great day! I felt on top of the world. However, at the end of January, I slipped back into some old habits and found myself crying myself to sleep every night. I decided to recommit to my goals and started going back to therapy.
At first, admitting that I needed help again was really hard for me. I was doing and feeling amazing… and then I wasn’t anymore. I’m not writing this because I want sympathy for my problems. I am writing this to show that change can be messy! There have been some days when I have totally rocked my goals and seized the day. Other times, I have completely lost track of my dreams and failed on so many levels.
When I was having a meltdown a couple of weeks ago, I kept thinking “Wow! My life is a mess and I am a mess and everything is a mess!” I had this thought come to my mind “Maybe instead of thinking that everything is a mess, start thinking of it as everything falling into place.”
If you are trying really hard to change things in your life, whatever those changes may be–loose weight, gain weight, eat healthy, stop dieting, smile more, sleep more, love yourself, exercise, etc.–and if you feel like you life is a mess, you’re not alone! I am learning that we can do this anything as long as we don’t give up.